Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
