people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There r osticjed everywhere
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
