never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i think i just lost a toe
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
