Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
