does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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