Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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