Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
