Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize