I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
