there's paper in my vomit.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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