Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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