Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
