I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
