super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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