peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
