Betty ford says i'm here all night
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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