dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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