She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
