Kiss
Puke
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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