Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
