She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
