Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Me. At least after what I've been through.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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