So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
