i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
