Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize