He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i drank out of a bidet.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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