I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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