can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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