happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I cut my penus on the lid.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
