Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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