put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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