i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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