problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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