dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
