Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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