Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
