if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
