very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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