There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize