I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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