i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
