We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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