I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
