I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
