im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize