I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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