she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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