i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize