Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
