i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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