what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
