Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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