There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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