I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
