A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
