I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize