Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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