i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize