When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
