hell yes lets make some ravioli
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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