Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
