4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I smell stomach acid.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
