Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize