I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
