Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
