Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
