overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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