so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
