just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
