the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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