he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
