I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
