and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
