I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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