Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
