Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
