If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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