but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
