I wannas sexs uuuuu
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
