youre lurking in front of me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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