i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
