just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
