If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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