we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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