She is in my trunk
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
