is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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