rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
