yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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