I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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