That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize