The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I will pee on everything he values.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
