this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
