We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
