i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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