first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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