Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
