I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
