When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
